The Gender Card

I always get a nasty taste in my mouth when I hear someone accusing a non-White person as "playing the race card."  While I am willing to admit that not every single negative interaction that a non-White person has can be directly tied to his/her race/ethnicity, I can certainly see why it would feel that way.  This is such a White cisgendered heterosexual male privilege reaction.  It certainly seems clear, to me anyway, that a constant and consistent institutionalized experience of being denied based on one's race/ethnicity could make one wary.  But more importantly, after a lifetime of experiencing such racism,  I rather think it's like the old pornography definition argument: I can't explain it, but I know it when I see it.

Interestingly, very little is ever made of "the gender card."  This, I believe, is in large part to the fact that women are socialized to avoid complaining too much.  Jennifer Lawrence recently made a splash in Hollywood and all over the news by claiming that she would no longer sit by and make less money than her male co-stars simply because she didn't want to seem entitled.  She wrote “I’m over trying to find the ‘adorable’ way to express my opinion.”

In response to this claim, many news organizations are covering the issue and many other actresses are speaking out.  One criticism launched and these women is that of classism - the sentiment being, "Boo Hoo, you only make $750,000 to your male co-stars $1 million.  Poor You"  However, if Jennifer Lawrence, of all people, feels uncomfortable asking for fair pay in Hollywood, of all places, what chance has the single mother living in a poor neighborhood in the Bronx have negotiating her wage cleaning for a motel chain?

I bring this up because this controversy has me thinking about the reasons there is no constant disdain for the "gender card."  Women, generally, are afraid to "play it."  Non-White males certainly are less likely to "play the race card" in mixed company due to the backlash associated with the term.  But women, traditionally, are brought up from an early age not to assert ourselves at all, let alone when we feel discriminated against.  It makes me a little ill to think of how often my gut has told me that the negative treatment I was receiving had something to do with the fact that I am female, but I have been reticent to say this out loud, even to myself, out of fear of seeming too "sensitive."

Case in point, I have had yet another issue with a doctor at UCH.  I won't go into too much detail, but this particular male, white psychologist has, what I would call, an ego problem.  He has disrespected me by refusing to tell me what his treatment plan was (god forbid, I, the client, be informed) and when he found out I was looking for a second opinion, he dropped me as a client, an act that certainly implies that he doesn't want his authority questioned.  

His disrespect for me, overall, is of the implicit kind.  He never said anything explicitly inappropriate or gave me much in the form of proof that would assist my case against him.  And since I had "complained" about the breast surgeon's treatment of me back in July, I didn't want to complain about him, too, fearing being labeled a shrew who just hates all doctors or, worse, just likes to make waves to get attention.  Indeed, it wasn't until he did something quite explicit to interfere with my healthcare that I decided to file a complaint with the hospital.  I also filed the same complaint with the state medical board.  Labeling be damned.

I cannot, however, "legitimately" claim that his actions were sexist.  After all, thanks to the confidentiality of the psychological healthcare system, I have no idea how he treats his other clients.  It's not like when I was in grad school and had a professor who gave all the guys in her class As and all the women Bs.  Maybe he just generally doesn't like to have his authority questioned at all.  And even if I could survey every one of his clients and found out that he rarely treated women differently, there's certainly a major concern I have that he is threatened not just by a woman, but by a woman who is as highly, if not more highly, educated as he is.  

Basically, I cannot, in fact, make a "legitimate" claim of sexism toward him.  And yet....

I feel it.  I sense it.  It may be the difference between Michelangelo's David and Playgirl Magazine, but I don't think my sense should be dismissed because I can't explicitly prove it. So I guess I'll have to accept any charges aimed at me of being too "militantly feminist," but I'm not going to fear those charges to the point of allowing it to silence me.